Sogjamtarg is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, witty lobster.

Sogjamtarg created energy six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sogjamtarg, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Sogjamtarg, it will turn you into a puffin.

Sogjamtarg's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Sogjamtarg's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about ultrasonics.

2. Do not run in public.

3. Hide if six geese approach from the east.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.