Bellnelquam is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, loving cow.

Bellnelquam created a quark three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bellnelquam, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Bellnelquam, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Bellnelquam's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Bellnelquam's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Bellnelquam.

3. Never talk about bacteria.

4. You must love Bellnelquam.

5. Never write about black holes.