Mitvedstaf is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, humane jellyfish.

Mitvedstaf created dark energy nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Mitvedstaf, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Mitvedstaf, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Mitvedstaf's most sacred site is Manamedu in India.

Mitvedstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Always make sure there are no frogs in a room before entering it.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Never talk about ultrasonics near turtles while wearing black shirts.