Panlidmatstragsak is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, stupid cow.

Panlidmatstragsak created time and space nine million years ago.

If you believe in Panlidmatstragsak, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Panlidmatstragsak, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Panlidmatstragsak's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Panlidmatstragsak's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum field theory near gulls while wearing blue trousers and balancing eight zinc spheres on your face.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Never paint your head fawn.

5. Run away if three frogs approach from the east.