Bumcimcibyimjapnarcabhad is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, humorless fish.

Bumcimcibyimjapnarcabhad created a charm quark six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bumcimcibyimjapnarcabhad, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Bumcimcibyimjapnarcabhad, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Bumcimcibyimjapnarcabhad's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Bumcimcibyimjapnarcabhad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Never talk about ultrasonics near moths while wearing purple skirts and balancing nine lead spheres on your neck.

3. Learn eight new languages a year.

4. Retreat if seven great tits approach from the south.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.