Sasmifjab is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, wise hamster.

Sasmifjab created everything that exists nine million years ago.

If you believe in Sasmifjab, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Sasmifjab, it will turn you into a goat.

Sasmifjab's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Sasmifjab's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never write about dark matter.

3. Never talk about moons.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Do not hurt foxes.