Nurthigkem is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, omniscient jellyfish.

Nurthigkem created the planet Jupiter six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurthigkem, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Nurthigkem, it will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Nurthigkem's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Nurthigkem's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sharks.

2. Do not eat corn.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Never feed lots of pineapples to voles while wearing brown hats.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.