Tinfotteen is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, cheerful tapir.

Tinfotteen created the world seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Tinfotteen, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Tinfotteen, she will jump up and down on your head.

Tinfotteen's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Tinfotteen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Worship no other gods but Tinfotteen.

5. Erect eight iron sculptures of Tinfotteen on top of important buildings.