Tarpcibflag is a god.

It takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, duplicitous guinea pig.

Tarpcibflag created life three billion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpcibflag, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Tarpcibflag, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Tarpcibflag's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Tarpcibflag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your hands.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Never feed lots of wheat to tortoises while wearing purple trousers.

5. Tarpcibflag loves dolphins, so they must be honoured.