Yarlquartfeb is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, selfish donkey.

Yarlquartfeb created a Higgs boson two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarlquartfeb, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Yarlquartfeb, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Yarlquartfeb's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Yarlquartfeb's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Hide if seven aardvarks approach from the south.

3. Do not shave your head.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Never mention snails.