Kimsomlarn is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, caring spider.

Kimsomlarn created an electron two billion years ago.

If you believe in Kimsomlarn, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Kimsomlarn, she will turn you into a worm.

Kimsomlarn's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Kimsomlarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never run in holy places.

2. Never write about photosynthesis.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Never bounce near seals.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Kimsomlarn.