Jontom is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, humane lobster.

Jontom created matter nine million years ago.

If you believe in Jontom, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Jontom, it will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Jontom's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Jontom's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

2. Do not eat nuts.

3. Hide if three sharks approach from the south.

4. Never feed lots of lentils to voles while wearing blue ear rings.

5. Erect a giant zinc sculpture of Jontom in the centre of the settlement.