Kopcitnel Ponvonkbass is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, witless fox.

Kopcitnel Ponvonkbass created a down quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kopcitnel Ponvonkbass, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Kopcitnel Ponvonkbass, it will turn you into a giant snail.

Kopcitnel Ponvonkbass' most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Kopcitnel Ponvonkbass' Holy Commandments

1. Never touch blood while unclean.

2. Never feed lots of wheat to squirrels while wearing blue coats.

3. Always face the west before speaking sacred words.

4. Never wear magenta dresses on sacred days.

5. Do not keep nine mice in a large pit.