Femmontik is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, competent seal.

Femmontik created an atom three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Femmontik, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Femmontik, he will not care.

Femmontik's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Femmontik's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Erect nine zinc sculptures of Femmontik on top of important buildings.

3. Never jump in holy places.

4. Badgers are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Never eat bark.