Kapdongud is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, witty salamander.

Kapdongud created an up quark two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kapdongud, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Kapdongud, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Kapdongud's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Kapdongud's Holy Commandments

1. Do not travel during autumn.

2. Never speak aloud of signs.

3. Always count to seven before sleeping.

4. Never stain your face with turquoise.

5. Never touch water while tainted.