Voljanyog is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, vain crocodile.

Voljanyog created a strange quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Voljanyog, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Voljanyog, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Voljanyog's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Voljanyog's Holy Commandments

1. Never record numbers.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Voljanyog.

3. Never feed pineapples to mice while wearing green ear rings.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Never look in ponds.