Fabjarnkim is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, slow scorpion.

Fabjarnkim created snails seven million years ago.

If you believe in Fabjarnkim, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Fabjarnkim, he will turn you into a dog.

Fabjarnkim's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Fabjarnkim's Holy Commandments

1. Bats are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Never speak aloud of secrets.

4. Never gather four manatees near doors.

5. Always help swans in need.