Fetgebbap is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, all-powerful pig.

Fetgebbap created the Milkyway three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fetgebbap, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Fetgebbap, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Fetgebbap's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Fetgebbap's Holy Commandments

1. Learn nine new languages a year.

2. Run away from magenta mice, for they are unholy.

3. Draw representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Do not shave your neck.

5. Geese are unholy and should not be approached.