Fotwonfet is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, annoying dog.

Fotwonfet created a strange quark seven million years ago.

If you believe in Fotwonfet, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Fotwonfet, he will refuse to believe in you.

Fotwonfet's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Fotwonfet's Holy Commandments

1. Never sing in the presence of squirrels.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Always remove corsets before touching gold.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Fotwonfet.

5. Never speak aloud of numbers.