Pogfutwig is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, moody penguin.

Pogfutwig created the planet Saturn six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pogfutwig, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Pogfutwig, she will make you grow a tail.

Pogfutwig's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Pogfutwig's Holy Commandments

1. Never mark doors with cyan.

2. Never travel toward the south during winter.

3. Never think about quantum gravity near seals while wearing violet corsets and balancing four iron spheres on your hands.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Always help mice in need.