Guncatzan is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, amazing bat.

Guncatzan created the universe five billion years ago.

If you believe in Guncatzan, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Guncatzan, she will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Guncatzan's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Guncatzan's Holy Commandments

1. Always help grasshopers.

2. Never talk about solid mechanics near mites while wearing mauve rings.

3. Always act with purity when addressing priests.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Never think about optics.