Gonbonk is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, proud lizard.

Gonbonk created the Small Magellanic Cloud eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gonbonk, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Gonbonk, he will not care at all.

Gonbonk's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Gonbonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never fashion tools from stone.

2. Do not utter prayers while touching carbon.

3. Never stain your neck with green.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Retreat if seven dolphins approach from the south.