Quimlatbop is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, omniscient aardvark.

Quimlatbop created a bottom quark two million years ago.

If you believe in Quimlatbop, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Quimlatbop, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Quimlatbop's most sacred site is Aranganur in India.

Quimlatbop's Holy Commandments

1. Always help aardvarks in need.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Bats are not to be trusted.

5. Do not stand on grass.