Yartnibjat is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, proud naga.

Yartnibjat created a top quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yartnibjat, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Yartnibjat, it will turn you into a giant snail.

Yartnibjat's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Yartnibjat's Holy Commandments

1. Learn five new languages a year.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Do not trade with those who eat gooseberries.

4. Do not skip in public.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate swans.