Tonkruttlak is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, selfish shrew.

Tonkruttlak created oxygen eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tonkruttlak, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Tonkruttlak, it will torture you forever.

Tonkruttlak's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Tonkruttlak's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate swans.

2. Never record signs.

3. Never hurt ducks.

4. Never write about chromosomes.

5. Pray only in firelight.