Flamdotcen is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, amazing raccoon.

Flamdotcen created a top quark twelve years ago.

If you believe in Flamdotcen, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Flamdotcen, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Flamdotcen's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Flamdotcen's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Heed all signs.

3. Never touch blood while unclean.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Flamdotcen loves manatees, so they must be honoured.