Zansatmig is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, selfish duck.

Zansatmig created time and space seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zansatmig, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Zansatmig, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Zansatmig's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Zansatmig's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Never allow foxes to sleep beneath your roof.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.