Sakvandoss is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, resourceful wasp.

Sakvandoss created the planet Earth three billion years ago.

If you believe in Sakvandoss, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Sakvandoss, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Sakvandoss' most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Sakvandoss' Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never discuss photosynthesis in public assemblies.

3. Learn three new languages a year.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Retreat if six whales approach from the west.