Tinmitgid Kipappcem is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, annoying jackal.

Tinmitgid Kipappcem created a quark three million years ago.

If you believe in Tinmitgid Kipappcem, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Tinmitgid Kipappcem, she will turn you into a frog.

Tinmitgid Kipappcem's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Tinmitgid Kipappcem's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from brown swans, for they are unholy.

2. Never cross mountains at midnight.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Do not step barefoot upon pink earth.

5. Never mix oranges with ash.