Nigkinnab is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, emotional lobster.

Nigkinnab created humanity three million years ago.

If you believe in Nigkinnab, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Nigkinnab, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Nigkinnab's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Nigkinnab's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum mechanics near bats while wearing yellow kilts and balancing three platinum spheres on your chest.

2. Do not study chlorophyll on holy days.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Never wear tights.

5. Remain kneeling during prayer.