Fotcunbum is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, merciful bear.

Fotcunbum created matter four million years ago.

If you believe in Fotcunbum, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Fotcunbum, he will turn you into a tree.

Fotcunbum's most sacred site is Letino in Italy.

Fotcunbum's Holy Commandments

1. Always cleanse your hands after touching nickel.

2. Never gather six rats near wells.

3. Do not utter prayers while touching gold.

4. Do not prepare carrots while wearing scarves.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.