Yartlarnbegmin is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, quiet grasshopper.

Yartlarnbegmin created life five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yartlarnbegmin, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Yartlarnbegmin, she will send you a sign.

Yartlarnbegmin's most sacred site is Anony in Madagascar.

Yartlarnbegmin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill hamsters.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate bats.

3. Do not study amino acids on holy days.

4. Do not place rice upon stone.

5. Never talk about special relativity near dogs while wearing mauve stockings and balancing nine gold spheres on your head.