Bumtagjap is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, fast goose.

Bumtagjap created an electron eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Bumtagjap, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Bumtagjap, he will turn you into a plant.

Bumtagjap's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Bumtagjap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Do not take Bumtagjap's name in vain.

3. Bumtagjap loves aardvarks, so they must be respected.

4. Never point your feet toward the west during prayer.

5. Never gather five porpoises in one place.