Bafvaglarg Tifxemflis is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, duplicitous dingo.

Bafvaglarg Tifxemflis created tapeworms four billion years ago.

If you believe in Bafvaglarg Tifxemflis, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Bafvaglarg Tifxemflis, he will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Bafvaglarg Tifxemflis' most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Bafvaglarg Tifxemflis' Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate tapirs.

2. Always maintain obedience during holy days.

3. Hide if four horses approach from the south.

4. Always share peas with strangers, but never with eagles.

5. Do not gather at towers at midnight.