Jadpadbabsit is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, generous gorilla.

Jadpadbabsit created humanity eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Jadpadbabsit, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Jadpadbabsit, she will turn you into a rat.

Jadpadbabsit's most sacred site is Embalam in India.

Jadpadbabsit's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear green shoes on sacred days.

2. Remain kneeling during prayer.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of platinum.

5. Never discuss enzymes in public assemblies.