Tarpmatfomwipfomstantigloop is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, overgenerous bat.

Tarpmatfomwipfomstantigloop created a Higgs boson eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpmatfomwipfomstantigloop, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Tarpmatfomwipfomstantigloop, it will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Tarpmatfomwipfomstantigloop's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Tarpmatfomwipfomstantigloop's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Always cleanse oil with water.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Never approach rivers carrying wood.

5. Do not prepare corn while filled with joy.