Sadcissban is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, conceited spider.

Sadcissban created time and space two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Sadcissban, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Sadcissban, he will turn you into a tree.

Sadcissban's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Sadcissban's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Always remove tights before entering holy places.

3. Always wash your back before prayer.

4. Do not hurt turtles.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.