Ciplitveg is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, two-faced porpoise.

Ciplitveg created a bottom quark five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ciplitveg, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Ciplitveg, it will turn you into a rock.

Ciplitveg's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Ciplitveg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not step barefoot upon mauve earth.

2. Never hurt mice.

3. Never talk about black holes.

4. Erect seven zinc sculptures of Ciplitveg on top of important buildings.

5. Never tolerate songs in holy places.