Lakfutken Appwotbad is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, unthoughtful wolf.

Lakfutken Appwotbad created parasitic wasps nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Lakfutken Appwotbad, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Lakfutken Appwotbad, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Lakfutken Appwotbad's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Lakfutken Appwotbad's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Do not place garlic upon stone.

4. Never pray while filled with anger.

5. Never allow birds to sleep beneath your roof.