Hinfarkanwee is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, weak centipede.

Hinfarkanwee created Europe seven million years ago.

If you believe in Hinfarkanwee, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Hinfarkanwee, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Hinfarkanwee's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Hinfarkanwee's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about gravity near manatees while wearing indigo skirts and balancing seven tin spheres on your face.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Never write about moons.

5. Always face the north before speaking sacred words.