Futtansig is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, amazing bird.

Futtansig created the Milkyway seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Futtansig, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Futtansig, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Futtansig's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Futtansig's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

2. Never adorn your face with green markings.

3. Learn four new languages a year.

4. Do not resist order.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.