Hatyarpfarn is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, ill-tempered bat.

Hatyarpfarn created energy four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hatyarpfarn, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Hatyarpfarn, he will turn you into a hamster.

Hatyarpfarn's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Hatyarpfarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat nuts on fasting days.

2. Always obey Hatyarpfarn's priests.

3. Do not step barefoot upon turquoise earth.

4. Never handle gold while unclean.

5. Always help aardvarks.