Kopvabjin is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, humane goblin.

Kopvabjin created an up quark eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kopvabjin, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Kopvabjin, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Kopvabjin's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Kopvabjin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hop at forests.

2. Always wash your back before prayer.

3. Never go into indigo rooms.

4. Do not prepare carrots while wearing shoes.

5. Always remove stockings before touching copper.