Gonwikwig is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, resourceful octopus.

Gonwikwig created the cosmos three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gonwikwig, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Gonwikwig, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Gonwikwig's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Gonwikwig's Holy Commandments

1. Never cross rivers at dusk.

2. Do not keep four bats in a large pit.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of nickel.

4. Never adorn your head with white markings.

5. Erect a giant zinc sculpture of Gonwikwig in the centre of the settlement.