Damkonham is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, fast tortoise.

Damkonham created snails four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Damkonham, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Damkonham, it will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Damkonham's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Damkonham's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum field theory near sheep while wearing black kilts and balancing five copper spheres on your legs.

2. Never hurt dolphins.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Never record secrets.