Quimjabcep is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, grumpy walrus.

Quimjabcep created a down quark two million years ago.

If you believe in Quimjabcep, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Quimjabcep, he will send you a sign.

Quimjabcep's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Quimjabcep's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Never feed peas to goats while wearing pink rings.

3. Never carve symbols of comets into wood.

4. Never tolerate cries in holy places.

5. Do not contemplate the weak nuclear force during the night.