Tenquag Mipbifbut Hatflabtad is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, witty badger.

Tenquag Mipbifbut Hatflabtad created vertebrates nine million years ago.

If you believe in Tenquag Mipbifbut Hatflabtad, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tenquag Mipbifbut Hatflabtad, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Tenquag Mipbifbut Hatflabtad's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Tenquag Mipbifbut Hatflabtad's Holy Commandments

1. Always remove trousers before touching gold.

2. Hide if five ants approach from the east.

3. Do not prepare strawberries while filled with joy.

4. Never prepare oranges during spring.

5. Always treat moths with great respect.