Hinzangig is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, selfish lobster.

Hinzangig created the Whirlpool Galaxy three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hinzangig, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Hinzangig, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Hinzangig's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Hinzangig's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place in purple.

2. Never curse while facing south.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Do not trade with those who eat peas.

5. Never eat gooseberries on days of mourning.