Jipstafxuck is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, confident grasshopper.

Jipstafxuck created bats six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jipstafxuck, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Jipstafxuck, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Jipstafxuck's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Jipstafxuck's Holy Commandments

1. Never cross crossroads at midnight.

2. Do not wear yellow clothing.

3. Always maintain humility during holy days.

4. Do not speak about bread.

5. Never write about fluid mechanics.