Ruttmetapp is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, annoying bird.

Ruttmetapp created humanity two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ruttmetapp, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Ruttmetapp, he will turn you into a goat.

Ruttmetapp's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Ruttmetapp's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about dwarf planets.

2. Do not drink water in blue rooms.

3. Never talk about dark matter near horses while wearing black coats and balancing three silver spheres on your arms.

4. Always remove boots before entering holy places.

5. Always take life seriously.